Alban's Book: Original Characters Review!

[Leo]

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC_0.jpg

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC.jpg

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC2.jpg

[Leo]

Well first, as some people wonder if I'd do something for all the people who couldn't win....I said I'd will, and here is my answer. The Alban's book is a fictional book of his record over the survival children's life and how they are portraited to him. If that could really exit...:P

So...I'm doing this little something for all of you including those winner are included here aswell so you won't know who are the 3 choosen characters now, but yes in a week. because I'll be adding 6 new (2 pages of Alban's book) each day, except on Friday (when I'm updating AL page). And then at the end the winners will be drawn Not SD, fully drawn characters for the fun and it will appear in between AL pages.

And as I did count, there are 46 character submission...and I'm showing right now now only the first 6.... So there you go, it will take about 8 or 10 days to get to see the winners but I really wanted to give thanks doing this for everybody who participated. :)
Hope you like it.

Now I'l lreview the first characters and my thoughts on them, but be aware that my english is still far for being perfect as I try to stablish my point of view, is still kinda restricted because of my original language. So please consider this if I make some mistakes*

1-Allen Jeager by FOE

- Aside from his first family "exile" , he is One of the few character that had parents (german parents) who from the start decided to help him to accept his wolf side. Which could've lead into an intersting approach, Except the part where he missundertood as a dog (the dog house gift hehe), but in the end I felt I still didn't know much about his own point of view into the matter, beside the fact of traveling to look for answers his personality was thin to my oppinnion.

2- Eddie James Carter by big2003viper

-From all his drama - her mother's death- we still feels like a good boy who is capable to stand up difficult times (but be carfull to piss him off!...why?), even if this means hold a werewolf drinker as a father... oh my. From the background story there is no connection with the Anima's attack which leaves an empty space here ad there as how his werewolf legacy has anything to do with keeping it as a secret. Still a nice character.


3-Stephen McDougal - by Shen

-I really liked this character as he embrace a lonely life out in the street. A survival by all means that reminds me the stereotype of a slumdog which being a werewolf make hims even cooler. But in the end his personality was a bit thin and didn't know much about his motivation now being a werewolf and with no family at all, what could be his goal now? even from the start he never fit into the human society. Still it made a good impression to me.


4- Jay Jitters - by Hoshou

-Very well written character. Really deep and interesting from start to end. I really enjoyed reading about him and actually managed to see some of his carisma between lines. It's a character that happened to live in 2 worlds, with caring parents and within the dark in prison without becoming a stereotype of some Anti-hero. Up to certain point it reminds me a bit of Fang , but still he has an unique carisma driven by things like friendhip who make him unique. You could even make a comic out of him alone.

5- Kai Valentine by Naz

-The idea that his own strength was frightening to even himself was really interesting for a point of start which made reasonable the lonely attitude, very much like Luna. And his memory loss who could've used for some purpouse was fitting for his personality, but then... an attack of bullies/robber to his home kills her mom, he changes and discover his true past...was too much like Luna.

6- Saul Mathews - by Quint

-A werewolf trained to be a hunter, a fighter sound quite interesting and having a father that act as his guide worked fine ...but I felt his personality was less developed and explained that the acts of his own father. Just like a militar following orders he was quite the case. Still he show sign of revenge -despite he doesn't remmber that much- which are passivated by his own father. He accept who he is butI didn't feel that he was truly speaking out of his hearth (at the survey).

That's for now. Next 6 chars tomorrow night.

[Moon Hunter]

O.O Cool.

[Moon Hunter]

I hate waiting.

[Thee Forsaken One]

That is such an awesome idea. :D Seriously, I love it so far. Can't wait until my character gets her section. :D

[confidental]

Oh, snap!! O_O!

I'm really getting so excited..

[Leo]

By the way the SD character sheet are in the order of submission of the original OC contest Thread.

So you'll know exactly when it gets your turn.

[Uberman5000]

Yay! Even if I fail, I still get to see what my character will look like! :D

[neoritter]

Awesome! Thanks Leo!

[SacrificerPS3]

Yay! I get to see Cheveyo! But what happens when all the characters are listed? Does a story start?

[David]

OMG! YES! Sad face for loosing :( BUT FREAKIN' awesome! Now I can see my character... in chibi form... sweeeeet!
Wait. Leo. Are all of the characters going to be drawn in chibi?

[TheClock]

OMG! YES! Sad face for loosing :( BUT FREAKIN' awesome! Now I can see my character... in chibi form... sweeeeet!

You didn't understand David, he is showing all characters in their Chibi forms, but he wont omit 3 of them to show who won.

He wont announce them until he is done with the Chibis.

[Leo]

You didn't understand David, he is showing all characters in their Chibi forms, but he wont omit 3 of them to show who won.

He wont announce them until he is done with the Chibis.

Exactly. :)

[Leo]

Yay! I get to see Cheveyo! But what happens when all the characters are listed? Does a story start?

Who said that? Once the chibis gets posted, the 3 winner will be posted after that.

[Moon Hunter]

Who said that? Once the chibis gets posted, the 3 winner will be posted after that.

I think he means the RP.

[Black Claw]

This will be awesome, everyone wins basically!!! Their characters get drawn by Leo and then they will be posted on the forum, SSSWWWWEEEEEEETTTTTTT!!!!!!!! Got to tell BaronChaos! He will be so happy!!!! LLOOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOLOLOLOLO LOLOLOLOOLLLOLOLOLOLOL (sorry i just saw Arby and the Chief episode "Wedding")

[BaronChaos11]

Cant wait to see how well everyone character turns out.

[Echo]

Ditto! :D

[CountryHowl]

Good Lord... It's like, spaz out central. Haha.

Can't wait for the others.

[Black Claw]

Then we shall have an all out war between each other to see who will win between us all and the forum will be destroyed. *evil laugh* LOLOOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOOLOLOLOLLOLLL JK

Na, that won't happen. we will show support for each other and be glad we got our characters drawn by Leo and then we can show everyone in the world!

[David]

*Whew* That was close. I thought I would have to battle a whole group of stinkin' Werewolves on my own... (Menacing glares from everyone). *Gulp*...

[Dreamer NekoInu]

Wow! Thankies for taking the time to draw each of our characters Leo. Much appreciated. ^!.!^b I can't wait to see the lil chibi of Rain. heheh Kawaii!

[Houshou]

Even if I don't win, these Chibi Styles are friggin cute and worth every thought that went into a character. Such an awesome little thing you've got going on here.

Good luck to everyone!

[Quint]

aw look at little Saul, almost makes me feel bad for how I handled his back story. And thanks for the input Leo, I'll be keeping that in mind for the future.

[Leo]

Hope you dont mind that I'm kinda cheating using the same base for every chibi to which I add different hair, outfit, expression and colors. This is due mostly due the ammount of people who submited :-s

[Silver Predator Wolf]

Not at all Leo!^^

[daftpunker]

ehhhhh >.<" i need to learn to browse forums more XD i completely missed this

but anyways, this is awesome XD thanks so much Sir Leo :D (have you been knighted yet?)

oh and did you really read all our character submissions? THAT'S AMAZING XD

[Howlam]

Simply put:

Congrats to all who had participated in the event, especially those who had been chosen to appear in the comic.

[The wild one]

looking good so far.I kinda regret not participating in this, but then again, the idea i had for such a character would have been a bit too outlandish for the stories' setting.

but anyway, looking forward to see how these characters look like :)

[Warlord_Mike]

I have just one thing to say to this, Leo:

*holds up a sign in big, red letters that reads "EPIC WIN!!!"*

That is all. =P

[CountryHowl]

http://cheezburger.com/View.aspx?aid=2852747008

[SacrificerPS3]

Just an open question: Did anyone else besides Leo read through all the characters?

[Mystery Ezekude]

Aw...how considerate of you. And I like how you have drawn each character with a cute super-deformed appearance. Good luck with the rest!

By the way, I created a reference sheet earlier displaying the appearance of my own character, "Orexis," and submitted it to both this forum and my deviantART gallery. Feel free to use it as reference.

[Black Claw]

I did, just to see how everyone did theirs and see how different mine was from everyones, which was very surprising by how original mine was, back story wise.

[SacrificerPS3]

I did, just to see how everyone did theirs and see how different mine was from everyones, which was very surprising by how original mine was, back story wise.

How so?

[TheClock]

Just an open question: Did anyone else besides Leo read through all the characters?

Not really, you can easily pass on some of them, not because of stupidity but because there are some that are so detailed that they have earned my time to look at them.

Anyone who is general on one line would be DQ by my standards.

This is basically like submitting a resume for a job.

[Thee Forsaken One]

Just an open question: Did anyone else besides Leo read through all the characters?
I would be a liar if I said I read them all carefully but I skimmed through all of the entries when I made my votes in the vote topic.

[Moon Hunter]

Just an open question: Did anyone else besides Leo read through all the characters?

Working on it.

[Leo]

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC3.jpg

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC4.jpg



7-Michael Orexis by Mystery Ezekude

Just like Alban said, A quite difficult character to understand. Although the idea of a werewolf bountyhunter seem really interesting the action and goals he pursues are not entirely clear. Does he looks money? fame?
Also he is a contradictory guy who despite werewolves for no real reason that could've worked for the first setting, but after the changes he could've learned one or two things about which facts are not real. And because all of this instead of liking him for his coolness you end up hating his attitude, specially turning his back to his parents for no reason again.
Good idea, not so good in action.

8-Avialle - Fare by The Forsaken One

I liked the idea of a character that doesn't feel completly comfortable with luxury since in th end her soul looks up for the wild. She was very well, phisically written but his personality wasn't too clear to me as much as it was written...there was too much " rely on logic and then rely on hunch" or "She is very friendly but also their relationship are shallow"which didn't help her to define her in any way or the other.
I understand she use a mask to hide her true feelings, but in the end you still woner "why?".
Nice character but a complicated mind.

9-Maiara Lily by Crouchingtigress

Physically well described and quite original which gives her a soft look to her. In the other hand I felt that her backstory was quite linear upon the accident of her foster brother's death. But as I expected some evolution over her personality after that point, she keep being a nice lovely person that loves her family. Wht are the consequences of her brother's death? what she decides? What is her goal now? Which are questions not solved at any levle. A nice haracter, but needs more deep.

10 - Joel "Red" by Poizenkorp

I liked the idea of a Rebel werewof showing his attitude with a Punk lifestyle. Besides his philosophical point of view and music likes I would've liked to have seen a connection with his wild soul, being a punk is probably a way of feeling different deep inside? -not being just human- Who knows. Just saing.
Anyhow his backstory follow the patterns of a rebel guy who just can't keep living with his parents for not explained reasons.
I need to add that after the changes the character feels with a real potential to evolve into something more, still beside his punk attitude there still a lack of feeling over his true persona. Under the stereotypes, there always need to shine the character. Still a solid one.

11- Arthur "Silverpaw" James by MoonHunter

-A great character at many leves. Paticulary I liked the way he was "made" to be a supportive character for Luna or anyone. Not an elder, but a teacher, a husband, a warrior. His backstory is very detailed, rich and easy to understand how he became the person he is now. Scared but still with hopes for the future because of honor, one -if it's not- his best value.
Graphically well written and you can easy relate to his grief and the way he sees life. Details like his wedding ring, injuries made him even more "real". Good job.


12- Irenika Alphonse "Irene" by Howlam

-I liked the way her backstory is driven as we feel reading along side. As his father was the only werewolf I was wating for some use about her view over this two lives and not something like "...she does not look like a True-Were, for a True-Were itself is the manifestation of the feral being within her.Her face has that lupine look but I can still see human features underneath" which to be frank was kinda far-fetched. But probably is my error too, I haven't explained much about the werewolves mind as most of them are not Luna's case (lost under instincts).

But anyway, She is developed like a cherfull and curious being always to help anyone. But aside from that I can't feel that I learned much about her own personal view, specially ater her change , her 4 years living alone and studing and her uncle's death. She was for me still the same character which didn't make much sense. But still a quite enjoyable character.
-
That's for today, see you soon.

[Thee Forsaken One]

You made Ava so cute. ^^ I really like it. :)

The way it was meant to be that as a human she is logical, as her changes bring her closer to full wolf she becames more instinctual. So as anthro she leans more to logical with a hint of instinct, in lycan she leans more towards instinct with a hint of logic. As a wolf she's almost all instinct.

Although now that I think about it, I probably got a bit carried away and forgot English isn't your first language. ^^; I find it hard to explain myself to people who have English as their first language so yeah. > <

[Moon Hunter]

New meaning to double post.

Never mind.

Vigil looks awesome!

[SacrificerPS3]

Sweet! Although whenever I look at your avatar, Leo, I think you're mad at me...

I'm just paranoid that way. It does have a menacing glance.

[Leo]

You made Ava so cute. ^^ I really like it. :)

The way it was meant to be that as a human she is logical, as her changes bring her closer to full wolf she becames more instinctual. So as anthro she leans more to logical with a hint of instinct, in lycan she leans more towards instinct with a hint of logic. As a wolf she's almost all instinct.

Although now that I think about it, I probably got a bit carried away and forgot English isn't your first language. ^^; I find it hard to explain myself to people who have English as their first language so yeah. > <

I understand most of the sentences and if something isn't too clear I look up for answers, dictionary or others points of view from friends.
It's not that I can't understand your point of view, but you're saying that for every form she is into she has a different mindset which again isn't the same as to describe her personality. Because most of the werewolves will be more instictively driven in Lycan form and less in Anthro form... , but still I couldn't figure out exactly who she really was.
Character can be deep, but not because of that they need to be difficult to understand.
Still I loved drawing her :) She is really cute.

[Thee Forsaken One]

Well that's part of her personality. Honestly I thought I'd described it quite thoroughly but I guess not. :/

Glad you enjoyed drawing her though. :)

[Leo]

New meaning to double post.

Never mind.

Vigil looks awesome!

I thought his Lycanthrope name was SIlverpaw :P, anyway. Did it look close to your idea? xp

[TheClock]

I thought his Lycanthrope name was SIlverpaw :P, anyway. Did it look close to your idea? xp


Full Name: Arthur 'Silverpaw' James

Lycanhtrope Name: 'The Silent Vigil' or 'Vigil'

Age: 45 (Looks like he's in his mid to late 30's)

Gender: Male

Here it is.

[Leo]

Here it is.

Yeah , not sure of if missread or he edited it when I wasn't looking XD - Anyway.

[Moon Hunter]

I thought his Lycanthrope name was SIlverpaw :P, anyway. Did it look close to your idea? xp

The characters name before the death of the pack was 'Silverpaw', but after the death of the pack he took up the title "The Silent Vigil", because he was watching over the children but was not allowed to interact with them, so he changed his Lycan name to 'Vigil', however he kept his original Lycan name, turning it into his human middle name; Arthur 'Silverpaw' James.

Form the character sheet:
Lycanhtrope Name: 'The Silent Vigil' or 'Vigil'

Possible Quotes:
Anyone who asks about his name: "It used to be Silverpaw, but after 'The Fall' I became 'The Silent Vigil', personally I like Vigil. My one and only reason became watching the young ones grow and making sure nothing dared touch them, hence Vigil. Also Alban forbid me from talking to any of them, so Silent."


Alban would most likely continue to call him Silverpaw, that being his birth name, however Arthur would introduce himself to the 'new' pack as Vigil.

As for the look, I did picture him a little less... cartoonish. ;p You got the look just right, the scaring is perfect, I love it to be honest.

[CountryHowl]

Just an open question: Did anyone else besides Leo read through all the characters?

Heh, I did. Though there's some near the end I've yet to get to.

[Mystery Ezekude]

Michael Orexis by Mystery Ezekude[/B]

Just like Alban said, A quite difficult character to understand. Although the idea of a werewolf bountyhunter seem really interesting the action and goals he pursues are not entirely clear. Does he looks money? fame?

You make a good point. I should have described his goals and personality in a more understable manner earlier. Anyway, these are his true motives.

Orexis hates his own race because he is worried that they are capable of causing even more destruction than human criminals. He doesn't believe that humans and werewolves could ever co-exist because the risk of destruction and chaos is far too high.

And he became a bounty hunter in an attempt to help reduce national crime rates and to clear his mind. He personally prefers dealing with human criminals over werewolves because he thinks that humans are less dangerous than them.

He is also waiting for an oppurtunity to return to Anthera and put an end to his race for good. This is to assure himself that the lycanthropes will no longer be a "threat to mankind".


Because all of this instead of liking him for his coolness you end up hating his attitude, specially turning his back to his parents for no reason again.

Actually, now that you mention it, that was part of the plan. You see, the initial idea was to design a character who would most likely be labelled as an "Asshole Anti-Villain." I also intended to provoke mixed reaction regarding his appearance and personality.

"This guy has a kick-ass costume but he's such a f**king asshole! What's wrong with him!?"

Anyway, did I manage to clear things up a little?

P.S. Orexis's SD appearance is charming and is accurate to the original design...apart from the hair. Well done!

[Nimaine]

Wow, this is awesome. I kept wondering what was going to happen after the contest ended, but for some reason never checked this thread before now.

[Black Claw]

no posting tonite? oh well, we can wait till tomorrow

[Leo]

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC5.jpg

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC6.jpg

13-Jonathan Ellis by Warlord Mike

Although the physical description of the character is thin but adequate the backstory is much more interesting and quite risked as "an idea". There are things like organizations that for the most part are a whole new character that it's impossible to evade and end up being part of the main story. In this case a group named FALCON than stablish a relationship with werewolves for... "greenpace" reasons are quite questionable, specially if they didn't do a thing with the Anima attack. It could've worked better if they'd appear after the incidents doing a reasearch for supernatural events and not before. But anyway, back to the character.

All of his traits of his personality are focuse in "He does the job right" , "he is capable to overcome situations" making him a bit of plain character that just follows orders. His goals in the other hand are ok, "find the animas, help this people so I can find others like me" but they don't add more deep to his very emotional state.

14 - Patrick George "Dreamer" by Zerlin

This is what I call an original character. Not because of his personality and outfit, but because of his role and potential. I really liked how you integrated the spiritual theme into his persona, and how this "power" becomes also a curse for him. He feels like a victim of bad situations, but it's hard to imagine what are his own thoughts into the matter. That's why it's a shame you relate the survey in third person when it was made for the character to respond as if someone was doing those questions to read the way he talks and thinks. But that didn't happened.

Patrick is a character with potential but besides his shyness his personality is thin as I can't see beyond.

15 - Tayin Verus "Adek" by Black Claw

Tayin is a "good" tough character that is described as he could be a hero if he'd wanted to. Like "he has the skills to do the job, just wait!" type of character. He is also military which...didn't add anything to the character, was he more skilled now? has a different point of view?, what he gained?. Again, the problem is the character doesn't seems to evolve as his backstory is explained. There are also a few rushed sentences that leaves some questions like "He decided it was time to start searching for the love of his life and going to college to make a living". Ook... so did he find his love?... "He returned to Athena working as a engineer for Dakota," What kind of engineer?... "Ever since he has returned to Anthera, he has seen two or three of the survivors from the clan and has met and talked to them but has not mentioned anything about the attack or their werewolf side." Why?...
And so On.

He is a good nice character but feels a bit rushed developed.

16 - Kai Tomodachi "Jackal" by Kai

This was actually very difficult to understand..., seriously. If you don't know english pretty well as I am, use a dictionary and take your time.
His physical descritpion was quite...original?. I mean it was ok, but the lack of grammar made my head hurth a little bit :P.
An then, his backstory start is a secret love for Colleen, seriously? I giggle a bit for good reasons :) because that didn't happen to be such a bad idea to connect with other characters. Another good trait was the use of his "seix sense" as a powerfull skill. And other than that his backstory is thin and predictable.
With more time and patience you could've done much better.

17 - Jason Moonwoe-er Liege by Galist

A kind of "gothic" amazing character that despite the fact he is a werewolf he embrace his spiritual life with music and lyrics. I felt he was the kind of guy which is cool after he was born, as a star. A Rock werewolf star maybe?
There are a few points a bit farfetched in his backstory as how he survived after his father death.... "He survived the battle, simply by setting traps among the dead bodies of the enemies. As soon as the enemy would come to scavenge among the dead they would be killed by his assortment of: Spike traps, Rock traps, Poison traps and some things not even imaginable." but then again he is a star :D *kidding*
Then there is a lapse of time which isn't adressed at all, if he was 7 when the Anima attack happened, what happened after that until his 16 years old when he became a bartender?

Essentially the character is fine, but too fine... and a character without flaws tend to be predectible within a stereotype. A cool guy non the less.


17 - Madeline DeLune "Celestia" by Confidential

She seems to be typical adventurous lonely character that doesn't speak too much. SHe relies over her own strength and skilled enough to take risks. Other than that the survey helped me to understand her a bit better but still lacks of something deeper or unique. Does the nocturnal stalking has anything to do with something special?...robbery?

In the other hand her backstory has a few holes difficults to avoid. There is no explaniation of her new human family and how She got one to begin with after she was "living alone". Because is hard to believe she got study and work all by herself not knowing anything about the humans before that. An then Why did she need info about being a werewolf from a book? Didn't she lived with werewolve all the time when she was a kid?
She is a good character that could've gotten a better background with a well driven story. But Good work non the less.

[Black Claw]

Just as i imagined it! thnks Leo!!!! i'll do a drawing and post it on here!!!!

[Leo]

Guys , due Al page and other works I won't bring more SD chars until Saturday late. Ok? Not sad faces? Alright, time to go.

[neoritter]

Guys , due Al page and other works I won't bring more SD chars until Saturday late. Ok? Not sad faces? Alright, time to go.

Lol, and I was just about to say I've got two days till I get to see mine. Oh well, the comic takes priority.

[confidental]

Madeline is soo..cute. I loved it! Outstanding! Thanks a lot, Leo ^^

[Houshou]

Man... the more and more I read the other entries as well as Leo's posts, I can see more and more of a VERY DETAILED short-story for my character....

I wish I had the time, but I don't.
Friggin' College....

[Warlord_Mike]

I was able to revise Jonathan's entry before entries were closed that FALCON wasn't able to act because they felt they relaxed their guard - before the attack, they felt there were no threats around the time the attacks happened (this would've been a week or so prior), and would've withdrawn some of their troops.

As for Ellis himself, I unfortunately have a very hard time giving my characters much depth - I just know I could've added more, but what, specifically, was the part that made me hit a brick wall.

Ellis' Therian form wasn't quite what I pictured initially, but it actually looks better than what I had in mind, Leo! Awesome job! =)

As for his outfit, that's pretty close to the battle fatigues I imagined FALCON clothing their members in - he kinda reminds me of Solid Snake, in a way.

[Black Claw]

The back story was a draft and i was changing somethings around for my character, i forgot to put Mechanical Engineer Technology, he was supposed to find his love after AL which he puts the mission first before his own personal interest which he has learn in the military. I was going to take out that he met some of the others because it conflicted with AL story and didn't go with how i wanted and how far you were in the story. The back story was a draft and i didn't have the time to finish the final before the deadline because of school and stuff. So... if there is anything else you need out of him, i will give it.

[Zerlin]

He looks great. Not the way I pictured the scar but I think I like it better than what I had originally imagined.

Sorry for the personallity not being flushed out but the day after I posted my work schedule got heavily rearanged and I'm still realling from it.

As with all of the characters I have written history and origins came first, and personality is a gradual evolving aspect that can take months or even years.

One thing I thought of when I made him was that spiritualism was/is a major aspect of native groups. So, stealing aome aspects from different Canadian and American tribes I know, I crafted something that worked.

I know that the contest was not to get a character into Alpha Luna but I just wanted to say that I no longer consider Patrick my intellectual property and Leo can do with him what he will.

This not saying I'm abandoning Patrick, but as much as I enjoy reading Alpha Luna, its not a genre that I write. So by giving him to Leo I let Patrick have a chance of continued existance.

[Arctic_Occul]

Sweet.
I looked at the first page and thought I'd lost...haha...scared me there. Good idea though, it would be unfortunate to pick a character without getting the feel of drawing him/her.
Very interesting characters, I can't wait to see more.

[Moon Hunter]

11- Arthur "Silverpaw" James by MoonHunter

-A great character at many leves. Paticulary I liked the way he was "made" to be a supportive character for Luna or anyone. Not an elder, but a teacher, a husband, a warrior. His backstory is very detailed, rich and easy to understand how he became the person he is now. Scared but still with hopes for the future because of honor, one -if it's not- his best value.
Graphically well written and you can easy relate to his grief and the way he sees life. Details like his wedding ring, injuries made him even more "real". Good job.
http://www.alphaluna.net/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=40&d=1259193127
Thank's for the review Leo, glade you like the character. When I started I figured everyone would be posting characters no older than twenty-five or thirty at most, I wanted to do something different. So, I looked at what Luna had and what she might need and so Vigil came to be. I also wanted to stick as close to the Alpha Luna story as possible to make this character feel like he was from Luna's world. The biggest problem was linking him to the 'before' and the 'now'. Once I had him linked his flaws, personality, and physical being came easily. Basically, I built Vigil to be in the story, bringing his own sets of answers and problems, and to be a teacher, a guardian, and a possible father figure. Anyway, I'm glade you liked Vigil.

[David]

Hey Moon Hunter, are you going to make more chapters for the " Silent Vigil?"

[Moon Hunter]

Hey Moon Hunter, are you going to make more chapters for the " Silent Vigil?"

Oh hell yes, I love the character and I have twelve years of history to work with... I'm going to have some fun.

[David]

Cool! BTW, thanks for helping me work on my AL spin off. Your advice has really helped shape and devolp my plot.

[Moon Hunter]

Cool! BTW, thanks for helping me work on my AL spin off. Your advice has really helped shape and devolp my plot.

Glad to help.

[Leo]

Firsts things first.
I'm skipping "Ty the wolf boy" character for many reasons. The most obvious is the lack of work where the entrie doesn't have more than 7 lines starting wth the personality.
I don't want to offend anyone, but I'd be doing so if I draw a character that half of it it's up to me and not to the creator. Stuff like "Werewolf Physical Description: regulair wolf (CLASSIC!!)" Doesn't help either.

Now about the chibi pictures:

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC7.jpg

19.Agostina "Luna" by Silver Predator Wolf

Oh my, what a sexy character :D but....sadly this is one of those character that contradicts from its start. Physically she wears a trench coat and armed with 3 guns and a katana over her. It would make sense for any other character that is not a werewolf. Okay, you could've created a way to imply that she can't use her skills at will so she is forced to carry weapons...but nope, you narrated a story where she easyli draw her claws . Then, why?

About the story She always scaping, stalking aware of being attackd...by whom, the animas? . I know you said "the one who killed their parents could be after her"....but it was 12 years ago -although I'm just assuming since you never mention the Animas, the clan or anything related to Al at all- and now she is concern about being attacked? Quie paranoid if you ask me :-s
So in essence she looks badass and it looks like a good idea, I bet a Kill-Bill / Matrix kind of girl with Katana and being a werewolf would be pretty bad ass ...but the story doesn't fit and doesn't make much sense in the paper :-s .


20.Rayanna "Raya" Val Harley by Echo

I really liked the idea of being daughter of the "healers" of the clan which give her 10 points immediately. Everything that expands Al universe and make sense within the story gains my attention.
Her love for plants in the other hand was a good way to drive her interest and soft personality. But then the story of her memory loss and recovery was a bit plain and simple.
As I've said in the past, I don't expect twist and over dramatic changed within the characters but it's nice to see at least some evolution in them, in termns of personality or personal goals. Whcih for her isn't the case. She was still bascally the same character that now happened to be studing medicine. With a more deep focus on her story it could've been much better.

Still a nice character and a really nice design!

20.Scott "Smiley" Michael

Ok, this is what I kinda figured out... Let's take Raiden (from mgs), the Joker and Two Faces and melt them with a Lycanthropic twist. His personality is Raiden driven but the scars are really shocking features, specially the one that opens up in wolf form showing part of her jaw/muscles, no? Well at least that how I interpretated it.
Anyway :), He is obviously a "cool badass character" but sadly he isn't connected at all with the Animas, the Clan and its past story . To the contrary there is a brief passage of his military story which pushes him to create... "an organization World Operations Lyconhtrope Federation WOLF a national security organization meant for world peace with a dark side United States empire USE an underlying organization to control the world" with ...him alone?

People shouldn't be afraid to bring supportive characters within their stories to make the whole world more believably, families, friends that could've changed one character and turned him into another, with goals and charism. that's for now. I'll review the others 3 as soon as I can.

Leo

[Silver Predator Wolf]

Sorry for making my character out of place. I don't even know why I bother with her to start with... should have deleted her from the start.. dam......

[Leo]

Sorry for making my character out of place. I don't even know why I bother with her to start with... should have deleted her from the start.. dam......

Hey! Don't take it too personal ok? :) At least you like how she looks like? You know it take some time to make them :)

[Silver Predator Wolf]

she's cute. Love what you done with her!^_^ I'll try to avoid making the same mistake in the future. Sorry about it....

[Leo]

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC8.jpg

22.Raul Lazlo "Freak" by Dr.Gonzo

For some reason in despite of this crude, twisted character I couldn't resist to laugh a few times. Sepcially I liked his view over Al characters:
"He does find the new Alpha somewhat attractive ("nice legs, but no sense of humor"), and he enjoys making sexual advances at Collie ("I know Ginger's got a "freak" side somewhere under that schoolgirl exterior") while physically and psychologically tormenting Fang ("Honestly, that kid is like the living punching bag I've always wanted! He's like my pet hamster before I flushed it down the toilet!")."

Is like he doesn't give a sh*t or isn't concerned about almost anything as he always seems to be on the "edge". Part of his personality is really engaging. But it's so crazy at times that his attractive wears out when you realize that he start to pissing anyone arround him and it seems that he is the kind of guy that really want to be noticed (a spot light figure), and also seeing him in drugs...makes him a bit disleakable -not for me- but for the other characters around him. A interesting figure but a coplicated wolf to deal with.

The only problem with his backstory tough is due his extreme personality it's difficult to take it seriously :P .

23.Luca Sparrow by Marjo-San

A nice character of which girls could easily fall in love for him. Is an athlete -and I'm not talking about Neoritters characer! (who is also a one XD)-, he likes the wild and is caring for his grandma/mother.

He is Shy, and it make sense for this due the trauma of the attack and the lost of his parents which you take over. I also really liked how you adreesed the scene of adoption as he transform for protect his forest mother. Is a lovely escene of love and unsertanding as the old lady offers him a home in despite of his condition.

Overall is a character full of positive traits which lacks of something a true goal. What does he wants? What does he expect of life? take a trip? have a human life forever? A girl? A career? What?.
Again, good work but it's feel half adressed. Keep it up!


24.Noah Arsenaux by Neoritter

I liked -again- anything that connects a character with the culture of the old clan, a starting point like being son of the storytellers of the tribe was a good trait, just like Rayanna (Echo's character).
Another interesting aspect is the focus over his physical attributes to go even further and make it part of one of his skills, he is not only fast, he is capabe or sprint attacks and so fort.

His personality is quite ambigous to some extent as he is shy, doesn't talk much but good with jokes? . Now I don't get the ""That's what she said"" kind of joke, could someone explain me? I know I'm foreing and I'm missing something here. I kind unerstand he is the kind of guy who sits in the back and make comments when he feels he's adding something important? Kinda a serious, intellectual guy?.
Anyway, he also likes to read a lot, a computer savvy? ....and is in the track-team, boy this guy does a lot.

My only concern here is how you adress an intellectual type of guy who is also in sports... I know we try to avoid cliches, but sometimes they define personalities (what you do for a hobby for example) but here is like he is just trying different things for no particular reason.

And then we have his backstory which is quite linear for the most part unti lI read this "What he really thinks happened was his small town was attacked by a gang of bikers." Why?, how? Who gave him this idea?...I don't get it. o.O
I know your mind is kinda tricky at times remembering things but, bikers?
And then when he changes into a werewolf he jus take it very lightly ... which doesn't add much deep to the character.

Is a good one but it needed more time to become a better one. Keep it up Neoritter.

[Dr. Gonzo]

22.Raul Lazlo "Freak" by Dr.Gonzo

For some reason in despite of this crude, twisted character I couldn't resist to laugh a few times. Sepcially I liked his view over Al characters:
"He does find the new Alpha somewhat attractive ("nice legs, but no sense of humor"), and he enjoys making sexual advances at Collie ("I know Ginger's got a "freak" side somewhere under that schoolgirl exterior") while physically and psychologically tormenting Fang ("Honestly, that kid is like the living punching bag I've always wanted! He's like my pet hamster before I flushed it down the toilet!")."

Is like he doesn't give a sh*t or isn't concerned about almost anything as he always seems to be on the "edge". Part of his personality is really engaging. But it's so crazy at times that his attractive wears out when you realize that he start to pissing anyone arround him and it seems that he is the kind of guy that really want to be noticed (a spot light figure), and also seeing him in drugs...makes him a bit disleakable -not for me- but for the other characters around him. A interesting figure but a coplicated wolf to deal with.

The only problem with his backstory tough is due his extreme personality it's difficult to take it seriously :P .

Heheh, looks like everyone got a kick outta this guy! And yes, he is one of those guys who spent the early part of his life on the backburner being treated like he was nothing, so just about everything he does is in essense one big hissy fit to get attention, whether positive or negative (kind of like the guys from Jackass:P).

I just wanted to see people's reaction to a guy like this. He has the potential to be a fun character, but he's like medication: do not exceed recommended doses!!

p.s. Leo hope it's ok I used Luna in that pic.

[neoritter]

24.Luca Sparrow by Neoritter (Supposed to be Noah Arseneaux?)

I liked -again- anything that connects a character with the culture of the old clan, a starting point like being son of the storytellers of the tribe was a good trait, just like Rayanna (Echo's character).
Another interesting aspect is the focus over his physical attributes to go even further and make it part of one of his skills, he is not only fast, he is capabe or sprint attacks and so fort.

His personality is quite ambigous to some extent as he is shy, doesn't talk much but good with jokes? . Now I don't get the ""That's what she said"" kind of joke, could someone explain me? I know I'm foreing and I'm missing something here. I kind unerstand he is the kind of guy who sits in the back and make comments when he feels he's adding something important? Kinda a serious, intellectual guy?.
Anyway, he also likes to read a lot, a computer savvy? ....and is in the track-team, boy this guy does a lot.

My only concern here is how you adress an intellectual type of guy who is also in sports... I know we try to avoid cliches, but sometimes they define personalities (what you do for a hobby for example) but here is like he is just trying different things for no particular reason.

And then we have his backstory which is quite linear for the most part unti lI read this "What he really thinks happened was his small town was attacked by a gang of bikers." Why?, how? Who gave him this idea?...I don't get it. o.O
I know your mind is kinda tricky at times remembering things but, bikers?
And then when he changes into a werewolf he jus take it very lightly ... which doesn't add much deep to the character.

Is a good one but it needed more time to become a better one. Keep it up Neoritter.

Thanks, Leo, the character looks like and just about what I had imagined in my head. I liked the track outfit. :P

I'm sorry I was confusing with his personality. I tried to explain that he used to be shy but had gotten over it and come out his shell. So the more awkward or casual a situation is the more likely he is to crack a joke now, then just be quiet. But when it's serious discussion he's quiet and reserved.
The "That's what she said" is something from "The Office." A tv show in the US and originally the UK. Basically, the joke works like this. If someone says something that could be taken in a sexual context. Like for instance, "I hated that test. It was so long and hard." Another person might comment, "That's what she said." It's kind of like a pun. Hopefully that explains a few things. For the most part though I think you got what I was trying to get across.

I tried to give him some reason for his physical attributes. I figured a storyteller of a tribe wouldn't be head first into a battle and would be more on the "run-away" side of things. So I gave him track team in highschool, since it's just running and it isn't as intensive as being a football or soccer player might be.

The rest of his backstory, you're completely right. I needed to spend more time with him to flesh things out. I probably should've gone into things like maybe how he talked about the attack to his foster parents and they told him he was imagining things, etc. But it just so happened school work was piling up and there were other priorities (I was actually writing a term paper that week). Oh well, lol, no excuses. :P

I appreciate that you liked my character and for the constructive criticism. Maybe I'll flesh him out when I rewrite him for the AL RP.


Oh! Here's a video on youtube of it being used in the office YouTube - Every "That's What She Said" from The Office (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-wf2pP7T0Y)

[Echo]

20.Rayanna "Raya" Val Harley by Echo

I really liked the idea of being daughter of the "healers" of the clan which give her 10 points immediately. Everything that expands Al universe and make sense within the story gains my attention.
Her love for plants in the other hand was a good way to drive her interest and soft personality. But then the story of her memory loss and recovery was a bit plain and simple.
As I've said in the past, I don't expect twist and over dramatic changed within the characters but it's nice to see at least some evolution in them, in termns of personality or personal goals. Whcih for her isn't the case. She was still bascally the same character that now happened to be studing medicine. With a more deep focus on her story it could've been much better.

Still a nice character and a really nice design!

Leo

AWW!!! she looks so cute! :3 and yeah i was kinda disappointed in myself when i did the past part... never really been good at that. Thanks Leo! ^^ she looks awsome!

[kitetsu]

Well, I've got no excuses for what i'm about to say - I decided to pass on this contest because I needed to focus on my own projects. :/

But if it interests anyone, the character I was going to submit is an office worker who was a former pack diplomat and a former believer in pacifism who indirectly caused his pack to suffer some casualties after he tried to make peace with some Anima raiders.

[Leo]

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC9.jpg

25.Cody Nathaniel Latrone "Ice Eyes" by Country Howl.

This is quite an interesting character that really rised my eyebrow. Particulary with his age in mind he feels like a real and more mature kind of character who see the life from another perspective. But his childhood description, his intellectual knowledge feels so distant to the current character that it's like you changed up your mind about who Cody really is. I mean literature or computers versus motorcycles and guns feels like oil to water to me. But if you ask me, I rather see him more like a cool, rebel gray kind of character which in the end make him very interesting.
I really liked how you handled the iterview as if there was a character with him, good job!


26. Cheveyo Terrae "Dominio" by SacrificerPS3

This is some character full of tragedy, but for the most part there are aspects of him that doesn't seem to fit too well. He works out a lot to tone his body, and being a werewolf he is beaten by his father? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've had the idea that people who put effort in bodybuilding aren't exactly the shy guys.
I liked the reason of why his mother adopted him in the first place and the obvious reasons why his father disliked him that much. And the tragic momments of his depature and change were very well handled.
It's a fine character that with further work it could be much more interesting.

27. Art Occul "Pirtuk"by Arctic_Occul

Since you mentioned he went to the north and wears a parka I suppouse you suppouse that's were the snowy weather it is. And well...For Anthera's location that doesn't fit too well (the mountains are to the east), but anyway that doesn't have anything to do with my review, it's not your fault but my lack of information that it's.

I liked how you brought other characters into his story to which you even add a spark of personality sadly to not even known more about her. But I could almost feel the gloominess of Art lookig over his shoulder as he left. And then the story was over. So yeah, it feels a bit rushed over the end. But overall it was a nice character with a very good design.
Lastly I kinda giggled a bit over the survey which was enlighting about his personality. Good work.

[Leo]

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC10.jpg

28.Thomas James S. "Logika" by Daftpunker

There are good and not so good things with this character. To start his physical desription which is according to your word " has a very feminine face and smooth skin added with the long hair he can look like a girl. " doesn't seem to fit anything about his life : being adopted by a military father and it's trained in many military skills, I mean that's not the look of a rude warrior boy eh?. Well ok..tactical techniques, but even so. Besides he lived alone... in the woods? by 4 years and it seems like you don't even mentioned what he learned over that time. 4 years is quite a long time, did he learned survival mehtods?, did he learn to communicate with the nature?

There is a passage that I'm not sure if you were trying to make people laugh a bit but or you were not sure what to write about xD ... your words : "However one incredibly normal boring day something normal happened. Thomas thought he was being followed, being stalked. But he wasn't it was just his imagination. So nothing really out of the ordinary happened EVER! Every countless day he yearned for an opportunity to change his life and get rid of the same routine. This seemingly NEVER happened!

Then of course something happened and he changes, was he having a foresight of his future? o_O
Anyhow within in the survey I learned a bit more of his personality which to be frank isn't quite friendly.

In the end is a complicated character which could've been more interesting if he could be defined more clearly.

29.Arianna Gibson "Mina" by Sarge

I really liked the musical aspect over this character, a werewolf singer, a drummer? that is some character that I'd fell in "love" with it ;).
Then She has her own band and...that's it. Quite linear story if you ask me :(.
But there is just one dialogue that made me smile: "How do you feel about being a werewolf?, The freedom, the exhilaration, the thrill…Just a few words I can use to describe it. There is nothing that compares with it in the human world with the exception of the greatest sexual experience that one has ever had in their lives. If I could walk the human world in my true form, I would without hesitation."
That's some personality develop right there...but so few that I sigh that it could've been better.


30. Andrew Ull Chain "Yahto Pallaton" by Blue_wolfR

Sorry if I ended up drawing him close to Wolverine XD... but according to your drawing which are really nice btw he is also described to have 16 years old which is quite odd to his appearance (some beard...but being a werewolf...mmm). In despite of this, his personality feels like a troubled person. The complex of the lonely wolf, "I better stay alone that being hurt again" kind of guy make you sympathize with him but then you describe him being a bit of an ass to hide his true emotions. All of which is handled really well. Good character.


--
That's up for now, I'll review the next 6 next week.

[Sarge]

Thank you, Leo. I am glad you liked her. I regret not putting more effort into it. If I would have started sooner....

She looks great.

[SacrificerPS3]

Sorry I'm only replying now. Lots of schoolwork. Wow, thanks, Leo! Dominio really looks great! I'm glad that you decide to draw all of them instead of just the winners. And thank you for the criticism. Only thing I disagree with is his personality. I didn't want him to be the "average bodybuilder" so that's why I wrote him like that. But it's always good to get a 2nd opinion. Thank you so much! And good luck with your finals, Leo!

[Arctic_Occul]

Thanks Leo! Yeah, I hated ending it that way but usually I butcher endings if I'm not careful.
He looks cool, you even added the journal! ^_^

About locations, I tried being vague about where he went and I just assumed that the farther north, the colder it gets. It's alright, as long as he goes to the mountains, wherever they be.

[Moon Hunter]

Just posting here so Leo can find it easier.

[BaronChaos11]

good idea hunter

[Leo]

Let's continue it where we laft, shal we?
Again sorry for the long wait.

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC11.jpg

31- Matt "me" by Loulookuroi

His personality is quite direct and I can relate to his sense of independency. His is closer to Fang, not because is his friend but personality wise. Is ok, nothing complex.
His design in the other hand lacked a bit of innovation. Just too simple as you said.
His backstory is quite seasy to understand but doesn't any conflict whatsoever to make it more deep. Nice char.

32- Damian "journeyer" by Uberman5000

There is a lot of work over his peaceful personality and how he handle it until he realize he has more to explore as a werewolf without being a beast. Other than that his life isn't as interesting as it could be. Also there was a lack of physical description, hair style, outfit(yes I just fixed it myself, sorry). More work it would have made of this a better character.

33-Kitchi by Lunareclispe1989

She looks like an interesting character. I like the turn of events in which she has a wild life and goes against anything human related. It gives to her some interesting personality. Overall a nice little girl, but nothing remarkable , any hint of how she survived or something she want to do or pursue.

[Uberman5000]

32- Damian "journeyer" by Uberman5000

There is a lot of work over his peaceful personality and how he handle it until he realize he has more to explore as a werewolf without being a beast. Other than that his life isn't as interesting as it could be. Also there was not a single line about his physical description, hair, color eyes or outfit. So I just made a random work there. More work it would have made of this a better character.

There's a physical description in the thread, it's right here:


Physical Description: He stands 6'3", weighs about 170lbs, and he has a large build, but he's not exactly muscular. He has a well-defined body, but rather than just looking large, it looks more like it's taut, like it wants to spring into action at any moment. He has a kind and handsome face, with narrow, large and deep blue eyes, and with a semi-permanent half-grin on his face. His hair is chestnut brown and grows about to the base of his neck, and its full-bodied and slightly wavy.

Werewolf Physical Description: In Lycan form, he stands 7'1½" and weights 195lbs, and his chestnut hair runs all the way down his back in a huge, slightly wavy mane. His body looks even more high-strung in this form, his muscles twitching with wild energy. In this form, he's significantly more active, and likes to run around (especially on all fours) and let himself blow off steam however he can. In full-on Wolf form, he calms down a bit, as the sensation of being completely animal fills him with a kind of numbing awe. He's still active, but its more a sort of playfulness than hyperactivity.

I didn't describe his outfit, though, because I didn't really any have any particular idea of his fashion sense. Describing his fur colour might have been an oversight, but I was pretty sure most werewolf markings are similar.

You drew him pretty accurately, though. Nice work. This oversight's probably screwed me out of winning the contest, though; maybe I'll draw him myself. :wink:

[Leo]

There's a physical description in the thread, it's right here:

I didn't describe his outfit, though, because I didn't really any have any particular idea of his fashion sense.

You drew him pretty accurately, though. Nice work. This oversight's probably screwed me out of winning the contest, though; maybe I'll draw him myself. :wink:

I probably exagerated with "not a single line about physical description". What I meant was that I didn't got the little things that help me to define these chibis: hair style and outfit. Sorry for my mistake.

[Leo]

http://www.alphaluna.net/SHARE/AL_OC12.jpg

Samuel Keogh "Darkclaw" by Nimaine

His physical description had a lot of detail but none of them remarkable until *broweyes* "he likes wearing things that glow in the dark", bracelets, really? But also loved the humor put into his detailed look. Many of which made me giggle. What really sparked my attention was his personality, full of joy. Is probably one of the few werewolves who doesn't like to be alone, and like to party and stuff. he is a fun, attractive character that have reason to be so, as he embrace being a werewolf as some replacement for drugs (in a good way). I liked the detailed story of how he handled the first change and how his family approached to this, specially her sisters. Good stuff. The part where he cares about dogs, priceless.

Logan C. Silvercrest "hotopo" by Roguesmd

He looks like a good character, a serious get to the business type of character. I liked it but didn't wowed e either. I really liked the connection with his father, the legacy of the sword and the regret the suffered after dealing with the bad guys who attached his foster father. This talks about a growing character. I liked the design, Van Helsing or not, details like the crescent moon over his chest are cool stuff. But a more interesting work over his personality it would have made things more interesting for him.

Odette Blaire "Chista" by The Dark Print

As soon as I read that she was supposed to be a flawed character made me smile wining points already. One thing that I really miss on many character I have seen are those who lack of flaws. This one in the other hand is a character that is flawed, but she is also a stereotype who loves fashion and feels superior to anyone, a character that you may find in many high-school movies or tv-shows. Which is not bad if she is handled well. Which is the case here.
Chista is a laughable character (in a good way) that I can imagine she doesn't like transformations one bit. I mean, something that ruins her clothes? Probably a curse just by that fact rather than the old sayings of monsters.
I loved drawing her design. Somehow her strange hair gives her an odd look as a Lycan. A good character.

[sk8terboy]

Wtf?

[jannypan]

cool